Healing isn’t instantaneous

Healing isn’t instantaneous.
I have many questions.
I feel lost in the depths of God.
Why would you allow us (the three of us that were with Gavin) to feel as though you were so distant from that place?
Why would you let things happen the way the did?
I notice something.
Why do I ask you to only explain the bad things? The trials?
It seems like my attitude is, you can bless me all you want, but bad things need my approval first.
Unexpected blessings lead to joy, yet unexpected trials often bring doubt and fear.
They should both bring awe.
“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. ”
Not a fear of pain, but a living in the reality that God does not fit in my Christian subculture box i like to try to put Him in.
He creates the beauty of the sunset, a new born babies cry, yet he allows death. The death of Jesus, a tragic death. Those closest to Him were crushed, stunned.
Yet, there was a bigger story. Grace. Redemption. Hope.
The using of death to bring life.
Out of the depths of sorrow arises the phoenix of hope.
I am more than just my story, Gavin was more than his.
“Cease striving and know that I am God”
Cease striving, you cannot understand all of God’s ways. Because of that this illusion of control that brings comfort is threatened. Control brings comfort, not peace.
Peace comes from knowing that He is God, He is in control.
I am having to daily surrender my questions.
Some days are better than others.
Surrender does not mean the stopping of the pain and sorrow.
Surrendering leads to seeing the hope in the pain, the giving of wings to the phoenix of hope.
Gavin lived for the bigger story.
Faith is a step by step process along the road that God places us on to be part of a bigger story.
By our lives or by our deaths, may we and others know through Jesus, the He is God.
May God bless you and keep you, May He cause His face to shine upon you, and give you peace.

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